Something occurred to me today, just out of the blue: I’ve become way too serious about stuff. I mean, the part of my personality that wants to plan everything ahead, that says ‘no’ as the first, instinctual response to everything suggested, that balks at the idea of throwing a good party or heck, even attending one, is nowadays the dominant part of the whole. I’m not sure when this happened. I’m not even sure there actually was a time when it wasn’t like this, but I have a vague memory of sometimes, in some circumstances me being different. It seems like the imaginative, whimsical part of me is just gone, or buried somewhere deep, and it’s taken me a really long time to even miss it.
I’ve become a sourpuss.
What the hell? How can this be undone? I mean, yes, I’ve always been the kind of person who doesn’t let whimsy take over everything, you know, a person who needs a basic structure to hold things together, but a sourpuss? Only occasionally, my friend! Not as the norm. Sure, there are times when one needs to organise things and take stuff seriously, but that shouldn’t mean that life is all about structure. I’m not an accountant, for crying out loud! (No offense to accountants out there, it’s a respectable profession, I’m sure, just not what I’ve ever aimed at in life. Plus, sucking at math, here.)
So, what do you do when you have little money? You use your imagination to make ends meet, and try to have fun with what you have. What do you do when you don’t have a job? Repeat answer no. 1 and also, try to build up that crumbling professional self esteem however you can. Looking back at this time in my life, what is it that will stick out the most? The fact that I couldn’t land a job after graduation? The fact that most of the time, it made me miserable? The only motto I’ve ever lived by is ‘no regrets’. You did something wrong, you say you’re sorry. You messed something up, you try harder next time. You took the wrong path, well, either turn around or make it work. Hell, make it sing. It’s not over, it’s not even close.
This mood will pass, even when I’d like to hold on to it, but let it not be gone for good this time.
Hey sweetie, it’s not your fault you can’t land a job in this situation when everyone’s struggling. And the first step out of the sourpussness is to recognise it. If you need hints about what to do with little or less money and are into say, culture, I can give you some pointers ;) There are some good underground artsythingies coming up this summer, and you don’t have to pay for quite a huge chunk of it! (let’s hear it for the volunteers…;))
Comment by Eve — July 8, 2009 @ 12:55 pm
Darling, I think I’m finally ready to actually accept some suggestions, so send me an e-mail, perhaps? *hug*
Comment by Emma — July 8, 2009 @ 1:53 pm