Disclaimer: My space, my thoughts. I will rant here, because this is stuff that’s bothering me and needs to be let out, but if spoken aloud would hurt people’s feelings for no good reason. So, here it is, where the people who might be affected will never read it.
We’re in Raahe, taking care of my ill grandma and balance-challenged grandpa (the parents are in Birmingham for a week). My grandparents are sweet and I love them, but this is not how I was going to spend the extended weekend, and it affects me even when I try not to let it. Grandma has the habit of bossing people around, and since I just have to suck it up and take it even when it grates me, this is where I bitch. I know it’s immature of me, but I can’t help reacting this way. The only thing I can do about it is not to show it.
There’s just something about being at someone’s beck and call all the time, which I find both difficult and annoying. This coupled with the fact that I’m constantly worried about grandma, trying to monitor whether the situation worsens and she should be taken to the hospital, just makes me irate. I know she already feels guilty for us being here, because she hates to be a burden, so I keep holding onto a happy face around her to make her feel better. And it’s not all bad, since I do enjoy spending time with them and listening to their stories. It’s just the annoying feeling of the whole thing being compulsory that gets on my nerves. I deal really badly with being forced to do something, even when I’ve actually volunteered to do it and can completely understand it has to be done. I think it’s something that should get better with age, but in my case it just seems to get worse. The only improvement is that I mostly manage to keep my annoyment to myself. Usually, anyway.
This character flaw is one major reason for me to think I should never have children of my own.
Okay, it’s off my chest now. I’ll give myself a few more minutes before I go make coffee for grandpa and onion milk (don’t ask) for grandma…
