I’m having a very ugly day. It all started out well, then took a turn downhill and just kept going. I don’t really want to explain what’s wrong, because it really isn’t such a big deal, but my mind keeps turning it into more than it is. So I’m wallowing, feeling sorry for myself, being generally bitchy and so on. We got invited to a friend’s place to enjoy the eve of May in good company, but when I’m like this, I’m really not good company to anyone. So, Leke went alone, and I’m sitting at home brooding.

A part of me wants to hold it against him. It’s a small part, and I recognise it for what it is: sheer selfishness. Since I can’t not feel it, I did the second best. I let him go, and hope to have the strength of will not to be a bitch about it later. This mood will pass, and it’s not his fault that I’m feeling it now. There are days when I’m not fit for other people’s company. Usually that doesn’t include Leke, but I guess this time it did. This ugliness inside my head is too personal for me to share it with anyone right now.

Tomorrow I’ll be better. Until then, keep your distance.