Best days of our lives
Better be the best days of our lives
Bring on the best days of our lives
Coming right up
Coming right up
If we can just get through this one
(Imogen Heap - Not Now But Soon)

How much longer will this damn transition last? I’m getting desperate, I mean really. I’m losing my mind here. My patience, my nerves, my hope. This will never end. And yet it has to, and it will. I’m so sick of it, of myself, of my life. The constant waiting, waiting for me to be able to function, to find the strength to drag myself out of this hole of my own making. Please, let this end already! Let there be better days ahead.

The windows are dirty and there is snow outside, and it’s like looking at the view inside my head. There are moments when I just don’t know if I can do this. And if somehow I manage, it will only be due to sheer desperation. There is too much riding on this for me to fail. I’ve built it up to mean more than it’s supposed to, and if I fuck it up, I don’t know what will happen. Maybe I’ll just be stuck in this limbo forever.

For days now I’ve been unable to move forward. I’ve read eight books in less than that amount of days, none of which have anything to do with what I’m supposed to do. How the hell did I get here again? How the hell do I get out? I have a little over two weeks left and I’m barely treading water. How pathetic.

I’m exhausted, but I’m not giving up. Trust this moment to pass, and the next mood to take over. It’s just around the corner. It’s almost here. Right?